Dealing with Self Critical Thoughts?

Jun 22, 2023

3 min read

I'm not sure if anyone else has this same experience, but I have always been overly self critical and has always struggled with negative self talk. No matter what stage of life I'm in or how much I have healed, its constantly there. Of course, some times more than others, but it has always been an inner battle of mine that I continue to struggle with today. I never open up this much on my social media page, but its just because I'm not sure how to create content in that way yet. If you're apart of the blog family, welcome to my mind!

Do you struggle with negative self talk too?

Yes, you're not alone.
I have in the past, but not anymore.
I've never had that issue.
I used to be confident, but am now struggling.

I just unlocked a memory of mine from when I hit rock bottom. I was in high school, neck deep in an eating disorder, and struggling mentally. I would use snap chat and message myself back and fourth saying mean things about myself, why my friends didn't invite me places, why no boy liked me, etc. It was so unhealthy and would do this daily FOR YEARS, criticizing the way I looked and tying that to the actions of others. Looking back, this was so toxic and furthered my mental and physical struggles, and ultimately, making me meaner to those people I resented. Those girls were nasty, don't get me wrong, but I could have been nicer and honestly turned away from that friendship sooner if I had the self confidence I have today, and would have protected myself from them having access to my life.

I have come up with some techniques to help combat negative self talk that has helped me when I am having a bad day. I do want to start by saying exercise has been proven to decrease negative self talk and increase self efficacy by setting small goals for yourself that are attainable. When you keep yourself accountable, you realize you're reliable and can follow through with anything you set your mind to. Make sure to set S.M.A.R.T. goals, and you will see an increase in your happiness and in self confidence. Also, if you are Christian, always know these negative thoughts are never from the Lord. The enemy is trying to convince you you are worthless, not good enough, ugly, unlovable, when you are created by the one and only King who made you in his image. YOU ARE GOOD AND SO LOVED!

The "Stop" Technique

This was shared to me by my therapist I had a few years back. Saying "stop" out loud or in your head when your thoughts start spiraling. You are stronger than your thoughts and have full control over them even if it doesn't seem that easy. This technique has helped me a lot, and I always recommend it to people who have racking thoughts, whether that's trying to fall asleep at night, or taring yourself apart.

2. Affirmations

I'm really bad at remembering affirmations, but they are so helpful. This might sound weird, but if you're looking at the mirror and finding your "flaws", touching that flaw and telling yourself "I love my ____" out loud has so much power. Even if you don't believe it, saying this out loud will rewire your brain into believing that statement. Also, leaving sticky notes or having wall décor that reminds you of how smart you are, how beautiful, how special, and how loved is setting a reminder for yourself. Even setting your phone screen to a positive message and reading it daily will significantly improve your self talk.

3. Reflect

Reflecting is HUGE! Why are you feeling like this? Where did you learn that some characteristics aren't ideal? If you get to the root of the insecurity, you realize that someone made a comment about a body part or feature that THEY DONT HAVE! Whos to say one body, size, shape, hair color, skin color, gender, is flawed? Absolutely no one has the right. Take some time to journal about your insecurities and remind yourself you are loved, special, and uniquely created.

4. Your thoughts are not truths.

Ending on another therapist tip, your thoughts are not always you. Have you ever had a scary thought pop into your head, and you question where the heck that came from? Newsflash, its not you. Once you separate yourself from these crazy and irrational thoughts, you will begin to feel at peace with them. My past therapist even named her bad/negative thoughts, and when she would have them, saying "Oh here's Bertha again trying to ruin my day" would help her separate herself from those thoughts.

I hope this has helped at lease one person today. I wish you all the strength to fight these negative emotions and thoughts. You are so strong. You can conquer anything.